God, Why Would You Want to be Alone with Me?

I look up and

I ask

Why me?

You have the whole of heaven

And the entire universe

And all the angels and the saints.

Nothing and no one that grows weary.

Yet, You still know me and

Care about me

You come to me in my sin

You come to me in my silence

You even have a will for me

As if You have nowhere better to be and

No one better to help.

But this is Your way.

You walked in the garden

In the cool of the day,

Calling and calling.

As it turns out,

I was the one who heard You,

And I hid, because I was ashamed.

For I am a sinner and

I am still hiding, Lord.

Shutting the doors of all the rooms inside myself.

Most all of those doors

I do not open to anyone, and yet

You choose to live within the entirety of my house.

Like Peter who said 'Depart from me, for I am a sinful man'

I repeat over and over and over:

'I am not worthy that You should enter under my roof.'

But like the days of old

When You led Your people into the wilderness

You speak tenderly to my heart.

And when You passed by the prophets

In ferocious winds and ranging fires

I, too, hear you in the gentle stillness.

That is why the saints named that stillness (hesychia).

It's an empty room where only one

Possible Guest will enter.

So, my aloneness is not exile.

It is a door, and

You are knocking at a house You Yourself have built.

Even if I am afraid,

I beg you to come in

I am here ... for You and You alone.

Person At A Distance Reflecting On A Mountain Photos

If you have a question or prayer request, please reach out here.

If you can donate, please click here.